My Stupid Fiance (The Remake)
by allchildrenbutonegrowup
Summary: He is insufferable, lazy, arrogant, entitled, big-headed and the biggest prat in the world. She is so uptight, bossy, nosy, stuck-up, most inconsiderate human being he's ever met. Guess who's getting married? We're back in business. Get ready for the ride, its the same one you know...only better.


**MY STUPID FIANCE 2.0**

* * *

Rose Weasley hated weddings.

She hated them all. She hated how much they cost, mentally, physically, emotionally. And God and Merlin know, financially and they were incredibly sexist in nature. She had to wear white to show she was a virgin or everyone would judge her. Her father gets to give her away, like she's a puppy in his litter and he owns her. . It was a stupid practice for people to show each other off to other miserable people and honest to, she just hated them all.

* * *

Scorpius Malfoy hated weddings.

He hated the way people pretend to be in love. Because then they scream and fight behind closed doors and it's all a waste because you're going to get divorced anyway. Like they're worried people will see through their happy couple facade and they'll be forced to be real with each other, and it's not good at all to be bound to someone for the rest of their life, it isn't _natural_.

* * *

These are probably one the last two people on Earth you'd expect to get married.

"Mother!" Rose whined, on the phone. Her friend Caroline shook her head, amused and obviously laughing into her cup of tea. Rose sent her a withering glare and Caroline shrugged, flopping herself on Rose's brand new couch, smiling around at her friend's new house.

"No, I don't want to meet your boss's son... because it's weird! He's... no, not him. Merlin, he's such a pervert! Mother! Ok... okay... I know Mum... bye. Okay, I'll be there. Mum! Thank you and goodbye." Rose hung up the phone, and let out a frustrated yell, sipping her cup of coffee, practically inhaling it. She let out a sigh and settled back on the couch with her best friend.

Caroline smirked. "Mummy still want you to get a man?" she teased, pinching Rose's cheeks.

Rose rolled her eyes. "What else is new?" she swatted her hands away, sighing. "Not all of us can find love like theirs, and that quickly. I mean, they've known each other for over 20 years."

Caroline smiled shyly. "Well..."

Rose gave her an excited look. "What? Did they get a new coffee machine at work? Because this... is awful." Rose says, making a face at her horrid coffee, sometimes she thinks Dominique needs to talk Marc out of his coffee shop business. She still drank it every day though, while Caroline insisted she drink more of his tea.

"Rosie... you know Albus and I have been together since... fifth year right?" Caroline started normally and Rose nodded, wondering where this conversation would lead.

"8 years, 11 months, and 13 days. Why?" Rose said, smiling at her very best friend. Her friend smiled back nervously, holding up her left hand. Rose looked at it quizzically before realizing the huge diamond rock her placed on her ring finger.

Oh God.

"He proposed?" she said, genuinely shocked, sitting up on her couch. This was sudden, unexpected, more so than anything, especially from Al. "Really?"

Caroline nodded, biting her lip to contain herself. "We were in the middle of an argument over his desire to build a Quidditch pitch in our backyard when all of a sudden, he kissed me and proposed and I couldn't say no."

Rose wrinkled her nose. "To the Quidditch pitch?"

Caroline giggled. "Shut up Rose."

* * *

"Scorp, I did it." Al said, his voice was clearly indicating that he was smiling. Oh man. Scorpius rolled himself off his bed as Al busted into his flat. He regrets giving Albus a spare key so much now. He trudged out of his room to meet his best friend in the kitchen, where he looked like he was vibrating off pure happiness.

"Made the biggest mistake of your life." Scorpius shook his head and prepared his coffee, black. Al shoved him, still grinning like a madman. Scorpius rolled his eyes. Poor, naive little Albus. He'll never know. Love is a big mistake, and trying to get married is a bigger one, two mistakes he is quite keen on not making ever again.

"Where's the lucky lady?" he grunted, sarcastically, walking out of his kitchen and settling on his couch. Al smiled wistfully and Scorpius had to stifle a gag.

"She's with Rose, for their daily coffee date." Al said dreamily, as if Caroline was a perfect goddess and everything right in the world. It made him want to puke. Scorpius felt bad for his friend and gulped down his coffee.

It'll probably take the edge off the whole mess this was bound to become.

* * *

She hated weddings so bloody much. Here she was in some stupid Grand Hall, celebrating her stupid cousin's stupid wedding, with itchy pinned up hair, watching James and Fred attempt to do something called the Macarena and ugh.

Rose groaned at the horrid mess of a dark blue dress Caroline shoved her in. She hated it. She hated it all. She hated that it took six whole entire months of her life to help prepare for one bloody evening, where her cousin and her best friend get to gloat about with their happiness. She hated it all.

Rose sat down at an empty table, glaring at Caroline and Al dancing like they had not a care in the world what she hated because this was their bloody wedding. Rose humphed.

He hated weddings. He hated them in every way. They were silly and obnoxious, horrible practices that seemed worse than any death penalty. He hated that poor Al had to go through this, and put Caroline through this. He took out a pack of cigarettes and took one out. Written in Sharpie, he had written the word "Beth". He placed it back in the pack, brandishing two: one that said "Duke" and one that said "Haley". Deciding that it was appropriate for Haley to be the one to smoke off his chest, he placed it in his mouth. He brandished his lighter and set her aflame. It was a metaphor, replacing one addiction with another. One that was equally if not less harmless.

Anyway, most of all he hated that his mother, Merlin that woman... decided that he shouldn't be a bachelor by now yet he was only 25. He should at least be dating someone, she says and his dad just sighs, trying to draw her attention away from the matter she had at hand.

He sat in the emptiest table he could find. And with this Potter wedding being so populous, even the emptiest table had a woman who was already sitting there but he couldn't give two shits about that and her right now. However, as he sat down she rolled her eyes at the couple and call him crazy, but Scorpius felt a jolt... like she understood.

"You hate weddings too?" he said, looking at her. She was beautiful. Her blue dress complimented her hair well, her eyes were matching: a menacing blue. Scorpius felt a smirk tug at his lips, as she nodded vigorously, twirling her glass as the floating wine bottle tried to fill it. He smiled lightly.

"With a passion. But mum insists I shouldn't be so-"

"Single." they said in unison. She finally turned to look at him, and he shrugged. She gave him a tiny approving smile and he gave her a smirk. She raised her eyebrows.

"Mine's the same way." He said, words dripping from his mouth in full seduction mode. He would enjoy her, he thought. Someone with his so-called "commitment issues" and what he's hoping: the same loose and fast morals as he would make for a very good shag. At least something good will come from this wedding. She looked down for a second as he smirked at her. The wine bottle tried to fill his cup, but he signaled for the firewhiskey.

Rose looked over at the gift table. She sighed. "As much as they cost, they make a hell of a lot of money for these things."

"You need a hell of a lot of money?"

"Everyone needs a hell of a lot of money."

Scorpius chuckled darkly, taking in the sting of firewhiskey, breathing deeply. "Some more than others." Rose looked down at her dress.

* * *

_It was a week before the wedding. Rose and Caroline went back to Rose's house, her first house. She loved this house. She loved all the colors she got to put on the wall, all the paintings and pictures, and the furniture... she had a soft spot for it._

_And when they stepped in, Rose shrieked. Her house! It was... empty! Completely and utterly empty, no furniture, or anything. Her pictures were still up, her clothes still there but Merlin's pants, everything was gone! Rose screamed again._

_Caroline looked around in shock. "I-I'm calling Al and James, they'll-"_

_"They'll what! My house... Caroline!" Rose said, waving her arms frantically in the space where her couch used to be._

_Caroline cringed. "They even took the coffee maker." she said quietly and Rose whipped her head to face the kitchen._

_"What?"_

* * *

Rose nodded. "Some more than others."

Scorpius looked at her. She was intent on smoothing and then folding the pleats of her dress. He scratched his head, staring at her for a second. She felt his stare and a red blush rose up her neck. God, those stupid Weasley genes.

"Stop staring at me." she grumbled, looking off in the distance. He laughed lightly at her, as her blush continues to creep up her neck. He can feel her getting angrier and angrier by the second. She was furiously pleating her dress now, wringing it in her hands.

"I can't help it." he said simply, continuing to stare at her. "It's what I do."

She snorted. "Your job is to stare at people?" She said disbelievingly, still refusing to look back at him, childishly. "What an uncomfortable one that must be."

Scorpius grinned, gulping down more firewhiskey. "You have no idea."

* * *

_"Look at me Scorpion." a dark voice echoed of the walls of the bar. Scorpius looked back at the man, the man he used to idolize. The man gave him a deranged, cocky smile._

_"You owe me something." he whispered, his voice scratchy, his fists clenching. Scorpius drank more butterbeer, wanted to be clear-headed if he needed to fix some damage with the way this conversation was going. "A nice little wad of cash."_

_"Duke, I told you months ago. I quit." Scorpius seethed, getting annoyed._

_"Not before you pay me back, you don't. Come on Scorp. Do you want to pay up or just come back to your Uncle Duke?" he said and Scorpius shuddered, the creepy man just terrified him. After what the hell he wanted him to do to that poor girl? After all the lives he's fucking ruined? He wants Scorpius to come back? Yeah, right._

_"Give me some time, Duke. Then, just leave me alone. I don't... I don't even want to hear of you. Jesus, you're a freak." Scorpius glowered at the man. His face spread into a sickly grin, laughing like the creepy fuck he was._

_"You have until I say so, Scorp. That's good right? Gretchen misses her favorite-"_

_Scorpius finished his butterbeer and walked out, his limp getting less and less noticeable._

* * *

He looked back at Rose.

"Too bad I don't want to get married... then my mom would probably be so ecstatic she'd pay for it…and plan it. All I'd have to do is show up, you know. Afterwards, I'd have the money to... pay off my loan." he said dancing around his Duke the Dumbass adventures. She looked at him, finally.

"And I'd be able to refurnish my house. It was robbed." she shrugged nonchalantly. Rose missed a full house though. She spent everything on that house, she treated it with love and care and it takes one jerk-ass to take that away. Lifting her bottle, she shooed the wine bottle away and started on firewhiskey. So she didn't know how long it took for him to snake closer to her. He was three seats away from her on the other side right?

After a few drinks with him and a considerable amount of alcohol for her tiny body, he hopped a chair to show her how exactly how intricate the flower detail was and how if you squinted, it looked like a little like the groom. Then he hopped a chair when spilled his drink, which made her drunk self laugh, as he and a paper towel failed to sop it up. And then, he hopped that final seat when she smeared her lipstick.

"Wait, you have something there." he was laughing, which made her laugh more and it frustrated him that she wasn't keeping still so he could point out what was wrong. He reached for her face and kept her steady. Rose still managed to hiccup and chuckle in a breathy tone. Scorpius reached tentatively for her bottom lip with his thumb, wiping the bright ruby red trace of make-up and the alcohol from under her chin.

"Did you get it?" Her breath smelled like the human embodiment of an open bar. He nodded slowly and could almost count the freckles on the bridge of her nose, he was that close to her.

"May I have this dance?" he asked. He was closer to her than he was before, and his tie was undone, and her shoes were on the seat next to her. He was close to her and he smelled like firewhiskey and cologne and cigarettes and something earthy. She, for all her life, couldn't distinguish exactly what it was. But it made her skin flush all over and she nodded. She didn't know Scorpius's name, for all she knew he was a random handsome stranger she met at her cousin's wedding. She bit her lip, looking him over and taking a deep swig of whatever was in her cup by now, she ultimately nodded.

Also Rose loved to dance. Outside of Hogwarts, ever summer she took dance classes. She used to do it because she wanted to be just like her Mum when she was five and her Grandfather and her Mum both wanted her too, but as she grew up she started to fall in love with the dancing part of herself. She was talented in ballet, exquisite in tap but she truly shone when ballroom came into play. Even out of practice and a lot a bit drunk, she held the grace of a girl who once learned and competed with a paso doble routine in 15 hours.

He didn't know that of course, so when she started gliding around the dance floor with him, he was surprised at how composed she actually was. She let out a giggle after a minute, at his shock and a smile curled up and around his lips.

At the same time, Ms. Longbottom placed her contribution on the gift table, on the arm of Luna Lovegood, who had a soft spot for the old woman. Luna dropped a check on the table, smiling at the woman who yelled that her grandson better find a chair for her. As Scorpius spun Rose around, per request, she noticed and gasped.

They were close again, his lips were just centimeters away from his. They smelled like alcohol and stale perfume and something earthy. Rose grinned at him slowly, as the song stopped and everyone clapped and they stopped spinning. She bit her lip. As if he wasn't already staring at them. He didn't know what part of him was talking now but he really wouldn't mind shagging this woman, right in front of children. He hoped it showed in his eyes, so she knew.

Rose cleared her throat. "Is it bad...that I really want to go home with you and I don't even know your name?" He was glad he didn't recognize her from anywhere immediately. Of course, she looks different with all this make up and this dress and the straight hair and contacts and drunk smile than she does on TV and magazines, with a Holyhead Harpies hoodie, frizzy hair, sunglasses, and no lipstick.

"Really bad," he nodded, purposefully not telling her his name. Not yet. He doesn't know if he's ever seen him on GossipWand UK. Now that he's out of Duke's hellhole, the Wizard paparazzi are on his heel nonstop. He wasn't really that interesting, but he was a new face and apparently attractive and an eligible bachelor linked to many of the young wizard celebrities in Britain, hell even some in the States. It was flattering and annoying.

He doesn't really know what happens after that, they've never really been able to piece together that night. He remembers he felt her up a bit and she might have let him handle her a little roughly. He remembers he had time to get a cigarette, one that said Beth this time. She remembers that he apparated them-drunk as her father at Christmas- and almost lost a toe. She remembers falling into a bed, he remembers her laugh as her topples over her. She remembers him teasing her, taking a hit of his cigarette every time he seemed like he was going to kiss her.

"Hey... d'you wanna marry me?" Scorpius finally said, rolling away from her. He laid his head on her stomach and listened to her chuckle. As he smoked Duke down to a nub, he drunkenly tried to explain himself.

"I want to pay off my loan," he nodded. "You want to refurnish your house. It's perfect. It's too perfect. You get the new fancy stuff, I get the money, we don't want to get married for real to someone ever, so why not marry each other. As friends, as business partners even."

"I don't even know your name." she admitted, hiccuping drunkenly. "And you haven't kissed me all night. But it's alright. Me and my coffee maker were having problems anyway."

Scorpius turned to look at her. "I fucking love coffee." he whispered.


End file.
